Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
