I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
