She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
