Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
