So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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