My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
