do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
