i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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