I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
