my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
