dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
