ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
