You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
