she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
