That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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