the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize