Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
