the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
