Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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