Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think weed is turning my hair brown
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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