it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
