And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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