dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
