She is in my trunk
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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