***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize