I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
