Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
