No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
