There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
