Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Also, beer. Big fan.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
