so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize