i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
