Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
