I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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