Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
