it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
