Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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