Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
