Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
