Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
