I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
