i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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