He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
