Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
