did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
