Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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