sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
