I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
