i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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