you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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