Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
