You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize