clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
