Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
