I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
