My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Someone shattered a urinal.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize