i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
