Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize