My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
