If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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