I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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