i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize