hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
