so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
