You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
