fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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