I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
