She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
