It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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