apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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