i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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