If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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